Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Through the eyes of my children ...

When I was young, I always envisioned myself working in a big company with a big position, but life is full of surprises. It's like a box of chocolate. Would I really just “throw it all away”? Should I just sing "Let it go?"..........

2011. The day our little princess greeted us in this world, deep down in my heart I silently wished that how nice if I'm a SAHM. 2 months of maternity leave passed by just like that, and on the first day I dropped her off at the babysitter, I cried. I was so sad. Looking at other moms who have the privilege to stay at home with their baby makes my heart ache even more. I don't mind the paycheck, I don't mind the luxury to buy things, I don't mind the simple lifestyle.. all I want and need is to play the role as a mother. I don't want to get separated from my child.

2 years later in 2013 we gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. And the urge to stay at home became stronger.

We discussed among each other, what we can do, how we can save up to settle our debts (car/house loan) so that by the time we make the decision, we are debt free. That is our dream. Our new goal.We talked to both our parents and we thank God for parents like them. Without them, this dream will remain a dream. And we will never ever dare to dream of living on just one paycheck. We look highly on our parents, our role model, and we want to be like them. Parents that love their children wholeheartedly. Unconditional love. Looking at who we are today, where we stand today, it is all because of the sacrifices our parents made.

Being a stay at home parent can be a very worthwhile experience and yet it can also be a scary decision to make. With the price hike, increased in tuition fees, GST in few more months.. can we still afford to pay off the bills. Oh yeah, electricity bills are going up too. Recent news : no more subsidies for RON95. Great. This is scary. 20 years later when the kids are ready for university, the money that we saved up means Nothing! Perhaps that savings can only pay off their year One tuition fees.

We're at the crossroad. Both paths are scary because we do not know what the future lies ahead of us. Ultimately, we followed our heart, we surrender our future to God and I ditched the allures of the corporate world. Did I feel any better after making this decision? Not really. I felt sad tho. Deep down in my heart, I knew this is the best decision ever. But, another part of me, I felt so incapable. I felt lousy that I have to fully rely on my husband now. That my husband has to work harder, extra harder. Oh wait, I should be happy right. I can be with my children 24x7, ain't this a happy decision?

I have two more days before I leave the company. I finally signed the resignation letter early this month and I knew, there is no turning back. Friends from all over provided me with their "reviews" on my resignation to be a SAHM.

* Carysse, give you 6 months. I'm sure you will be back
* Carysse, why you decided to do this? Coming out to work is more fun, more colors in your life.
* Carysse, you are so "wei da".
* Carysse, staying at home will make you outdated. You only live within the walls. You need to come out and see the world.
* Carysse, hopefully the next time I see you, I won't see a double you. (he's saying I will be double fat)
* Carysse, your children are lucky to have mom like you. A huge sacrifice.
* Look at her face. A sao nai nai face. The first day I look at her, I knew she won't work long. She has the sao nai nai face. Stay-at-home face.
* Carysse everyday will chase after children.

But here are some encouragements from my fellow SAHM friends...
* Children are the best treasures of the earth because if we raise them well, we are contributing the best to the society
* I no longer think about pacyheck. I only think of budgeting and my child's emotional growth development
* My baby is only a baby once

Anyway, being a SAHM or not, we are still mothers. We give the best to our children. Since we have chosen this path for our family, we pray and uphold our future to Him. I might or might not go back to work , it all depends on situation. For now, we have made this decision and we hope and pray for the best.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Our lifeguard walks on water!

The more you want to give your child the best, the more unexpected incidents happened. Oh well, I've tried my best to provide the best shield/protection to my kids and yet incidents still happen. And the more I love my child, the more I'm afraid that I might lose them due to my negligence. Suffering from two miscarriages was already a huge trauma to me. One moment we rejoiced, the next moment we mourned. The first checkup was a bliss when we saw the sac and our little seed. The next checkup we cried when our little seed stopped growing with no heartbeat detected. It happened twice. I cried for days. I cried for months. I cried for years. And I only stopped crying when our precious daughter was born. At that time, I was so afraid that I was not fit enough to carry a baby to full term. I claimed God's promises, that the fruit of my womb will grow. And when He said He will bless the fruit of my womb, He definitely will. I proclaimed the promises of God, I claimed it loud and clear. 2 years later, we welcomed our beautiful girl and then our handsome boy. I've been taking care of them like a gemstone. So precious.. I've been one paranoid mom, hold them close to me, this-cannot-that-cannot.. and I'm well known for the over-protective mom. And yet, mistakes still happened. I felt so weak at this point.. I've been struggling to give them my best and yet I can't prevent accidents to happen.

This week was a little scary. Our little boy, the boy who loves to climb and kick, the boy who is well known for his all sorts of drama and the little handsome that melts our heart in everything he does... has enough of falls and bumps on his head! It's enough for the week! He fell twice. Earlier this week, he fell from the bed when we were all sleeping on the bed. He woke up to nurse, he struggled and he kicked upwards. The next thing I heard was a loud "Pomp". Followed by a loud cry. He fell down from the bed. I jumped out from the bed, quickly picked him up and consoled him. He settled down after few minutes. Such a strong boy. I was so worried for that huge impact on his head. I prayed and prayed and prayed. He acted normally after this incident, so I'm not that worry.

Then, yesterday... the most scary incident ever. He fell down from his baby COT! Gosh... my heart literally stopped beating. I was so scared! At that time, I was so scared that I might lose him. I quickly picked him up and again, he settled after few minutes. His lips was a little pale.. and I checked his bones, his arms and so on .. everything looks OK to me. Few minutes later, his lips was back to normal pinkish color. And he was back to normal. He walked, he ran, he sat, he ate, he drank .. everything seemed to be ok. The whole night I couldn't sleep. I checked on him every now and then. I checked if he's breathing. I'm so afraid that he might vomit blood or any nose bleed without me noticing it. Ok, I admit. I'm one drama mommy. I think a lot. I think too much. I quickly lift up a prayer that God will heal him. No internal injuries. No side effects.

After this, I'm going to look after him so closely. Two bumps on the head in a week is too much for a young toddler like him. I prayed that the impacts weren't that hard, I prayed that the hands of the angels were at the bottom to support his head when he fell. I felt so sad. I felt like a failure. I felt miserable that I can't even provide a safe environment for them to grow and learn. Today, I hang on to God. I lift up my hands and pray.
I pray for the hands of God to be upon my children, His angels will guard and protect them. I proclaim Psalm 91. Thousand and thousands of angels on their left , right, front, back. Everywhere, wherever they go, the angels surround them. That they will be safe and sound all the time.

Thank you Jesus!

Monday, September 29, 2014

People, listen!

Days like these are tough. Extremely tough that I can barely open my eyes. Imagine a toddler that cries on and off in the middle of the night due to discomfort. And I have to wake up every hour to check if he's running any high temperature. The fever came back at 4.20am. Gave him a dose of paracetamol and he didn't sleep straight away. When he finally dozed off, my alarm rang. It's time for work. I'm so tired. My head is heavy. My eyes are sore and my eyelids are heavy.

Days like these are tough. It's tough on the parents, and even more tough for a child to bear with the sickness. My heart is heavy and sad. At once I felt victorious (he's well and healthy), the next moment I felt defeated (fever,flu again).

I've been keeping this in my heart for a long long time, it's time to say it loud and clear. If you love little children.. this is what you must do.

1) Parents. Stay healthy so that you do not transfer any viruses, germs, bacterias to your child. Eat the right food. Eat the right supplements. Pump up with more Vitamin C if you know you are not well. Drink lots of water/cooling drinks if you foreseen the bugs are coming.

2) Friends. Babies are cute. Yes, they are. What more their little fingers, their chubby cheeks, their little hands... You know, babies love to put everything inside their mouth, especially their little fist/ or their thumb. So, don't ever touch a baby's hands if you haven't wash your hands. And, don't touch their cheeks! SOme babies are prone to eczema (rashes). Not only that, babies like to rub their cheeks with their hands, and the hands will then go inside their mouth. Enough said, WASH your hands before you deal with babies! And if you are not well, don't go near a baby. Baby's immune system aren't as strong as an adult.

3) Don't share food! I dislike it SO much when you take a piece of bread, you take a bite and then you let my child take the next bite. Sometimes your body could be immune with a certain type of virus/bacteria, but that virus/bacteria might be new to our child. So, please please don't!

4) Before you touch any babies.. please make sure you ask the parents for permission if it is OK to touch. I guess only parents will understand this situation because again, handling a sick child is never an easy job. What more when you are running out of annual leave.

5) Parents, if your child has developed any contagious disease (like HFMD), please don't bring them out and this act alone is so selfish! You think only about yourself. What if a newborn baby catch that disease.... When a newborn baby cannot suck/drink, a tube will be inserted through the mouth to the stomach. This procedure is not fun, but a traumatic experience to the child!

6) Last but not least.. in a daycare/nursery/public areas. Parents... if you have a hyperactive child, please watch over your child closely. Don't let your child run wild in public areas and harm any other children. I was shocked when a 4yo took out a toy hammer and punched into my baby boy's stomach! My boy lost his grip, he swung to the left and then dropped on the floor. My daughter was so shocked when she saw his brother was being punched. My heart pumped so fast. I quickly picked him up and check if there is any swell on his abdomen. Thank God he acted OK after that incident. Otherwise, I will sue the parents! Parents, please! Watch over your child closely!

Ok. I've said all I wanted to say.

Thank you.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014



I have so many frozen party ideas in mind, but this year, we ain't doing any party for our going to be THREE baby girl. It's sad to say. We just have a birthday cake and present. That's all our plans for her Third birthday. I wish I can do a party. I wish to be busy at this time cutting, sticking, preparing cake toppers, banners, etc.

Since I'm not doing anything for her, I decided to bake her a Frozen birthday cake. We couldn't afford one customized fondant frozen cake, which will cost about RM150 the cheapest. Thus, I purchased some Frozen figurines online as cake topper and after cake cutting, she can use it to play. This whole set cost me RM35 + RM3 for shipping.

 Well, I guess the whole DIY Frozen cake will only cost about RM50-RM60. That is if my home-baked cake is Successful. *keeping my fingers crossed*


I've done some google-ling and the cakes below caught my attention. The inside of the cake will be something like this. A watercolor frozen theme cake. 

 Picture credit to bakedbyrachel.com 

And the buttercream frosting design will be something like this! I saw some designs on castle, snowy mountain, snowflakes but I think all those will take a huge time to design and frost. And I think the one below is much easier. Hopefully it turned out as good as this.


Picture credit to http://freshandhappy.com/

Oh Well, this is the least that I can do for her. I don't have any baking talents nor do I have any frosting skills. All I can do is to pray for hidden talents in baking/designing/frosting. And I don't have to bake over and over again. One time success! I really pray that my sleepless night is worth it.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

The pride of 'another' profession

I think it isn't fair if you look down on any profession. Every profession is equally important in today's society. The only difference is the level and salary. If you're sitting on top of the chart, you get more pay ... so, when you look down from your chair... how do you feel? If you think you're the most important person in the company that helps the company to make profit, I feel so sorry for you. Poor you. 

I've heard countless times about IT. Be it good or bad...
Remark #1 - IT is a waste of money
Remark #2 - IT makes no profit
Remark #3 - IT likes to hire a lot of people, wasting money
Remark #4 - Why do we need IT? Olden days no IT, still can survive. Make use of Secretary lahh.

Oh well... a stab in the heart of IT-cians. Today, how can one survive without IT? Look at the phone that you use. Look at the global communication. It is almost impossible to totally eliminate IT in a company. And yet I've still heard countless time people condemns about IT guys. Sigh.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Baby Fever

I have few friends that just gave birth recently, and some of them are heavily pregnant.. and all these tickles my heart to get pregnant again! I can't wait to have our 3rd baby .. I'm having baby fever now! 

Again, it will be a very mixed feeling knowing that we will stop at 3. 

Look at the cute baby pictures below... how can you not fall in love with 'em. And how can you not loved pregnancy / newborn babies. 

I think I'm ready... hehehehe. But ! It's not the right time yet.... we have lots of things to settle. With two kids around, I would prefer that Daniel is at least 3yo when baby #3 is born. At least I have two older kids at home to help me with the newborn baby, they can play on their own, can feed themselves, and then, I have more time with #3. Oh wait, by then big sister will be going to the kindergarten. Which means in the morning I have a little extra time with big bro and baby #3. 


Awww... thinking of all these, I just couldn't wait for the entire process again! 

Baby Fever!
Monday, August 25, 2014


FTWM = Get paid with nice paycheck. Shopping spree every month.
SAHM = Get paid with much hugs and kisses

In Summary, this is a difficult decision to make. I wish to have a nice paycheck every month end, and on the other hand, I wish to be home with my kids 24x7. 

As the day is getting nearer, I'm having mixed feelings if I've ever made the right decision. What if we couldn't settle with just one paycheck? Will it be wise to just survive with one paycheck? At the end of the day, it's still all about money and money and money. Can we survive? Yes or No? If we can merely sustain on the border line, is it worth all the sacrifice? 

And this explains a lot of sacrifices to be done.. No purchasing power, no overseas holiday, no nice dine out etc. It will be a little tough since we are so used to "enjoying" and "relaxing" .. and very soon, we shall not have such freedom to spend and enjoy. We have to set limitations. We have to set a budget for food, entertainment, groceries, etc. And we shall hire a finance minister to ensure budget is met.

Oh well.. a tough sacrifice to be made. But... what's more important than our own kids. Our kids definitely need us more than the materials in the world. I've chose this path because of the few concerns:
1) health (Daniel has been falling sick every alternate weeks *sad*)
2) safety (Knowing that the kids will one day go to school, I have the responsibility to send them to school and fetch them back home. And I can keep an eye on their whereabouts)
3) guidance (I can look after them after school and ensure their days are good. Be the pillar of strength 24x7)
4) tutoring/mentoring (in their homework)

I guess, I've made the right decision. No money can guarantee my kids' safety and health, but all these are guaranteed through my own eyes and hands. I do hope I won't be one paranoid mom in future.. and all I can do, I surrender them all to God's loving hands. He looks after the flocks in the sky, the flowers in the garden and what more us, His little children. 

God is good. I'm thankful to be given such privilege to be able to stay home with the kids. Even if we can only survive and not having any luxuries of life... it's worth it! 

I love you my little children..... we shall sail together no matter what the future unfolds, but don't forget, we have a Captain in Heaven. =)

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The danger of Yelling.

I was stunned for a moment when I heard this statement from my going to 3yo daughter...
She said.. Mama, I shouted like you.

I froze. And I asked her, "You shout like mama? When did mama shout?"
And she said, "You shout lah"
(I was shouting at her earlier on when she decided to run around without getting dressed)

Yelling is doing more harm than good. I admit, many times I did lost my patience and I yelled. I've tried my best to stay calm, relax and slowly explain to her, but this calmness does not work if I'm too tired or when I have too many things pile up at home.

But recently, things seem to be a little better. I yelled lesser and thanks to Daniel for keeping me calm, steady and no-yelling at home. Reason behind this is that every time I yell, he gets scared and he cries and he quickly comes towards me for hug. It happened few times at home when I raised my voice and he got so scared that he let go all his toys and quickly crawled to me. Looking at him like that, every time when I lost my patience, I look at Daniel. It works.. I did tone down my voice and speak nicely/slowly to Ashlynn.

Don't underestimate the side effects of yelling.

The picture below clearly illustrates what happens when shouting is too normal at home.......

Your child is immune and eventually they WON'T listen! Your anger goes from the left to the right ear.. your advice no longer make sense to your child.

You might think that your child is afraid of you when you yell, but it works on the surface only. Deep inside their heart, they are imitating after you. They are taking you as their role-model. Every time you shout, they think it's OK to do so. They shout when they are unhappy. They shout when they didn't get what they want.

And they started to shout at their siblings.

Parents, we are all still learning. We are not perfect parents but we are the best role-model that God has entrusted us to be. When God provides, He leads. We can be one of the best parents to our kids, all by His grace. Teach us O Lord... that we will always be the apple of our children's eyes. That they will trust us in everything and we are their pillar of strength.

Dearest Ashlynn and Daniel, even though we might lost our patience at times (most of the times), please know that we really really really really love both of you. Forgive us when we are not in our best of shape, and we promise that we will try our best to make your every day a better and loving day, that when you grow up...and when you glance through your childhood days, you cast a big smile on your face. The happy memories of those old days...... 

Lots of love, hugs, kisses,
Papa & Mama
Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The toughest part of breastfeeding......

When your little one has bottom and upper teeth growing
And then he BITES!
And there is a deep deep cut!


That's all I would like to say..

Screaming in pain.. it hurts now. And I'm letting it to heal. So no nursing at the moment. Hand express saves me from screaming all the way to get the milk expressed. 

Anyway, I still love when he nurses. He knows how to nod his head whenever I ask him if he ever wants milk, and then when I lift up my shirt, he chuckles.

The beauty of breastfeeding.
Keep going mommies.. nothing is easy in this world. No shortcut to every happiness.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

My Online Pharmacy - IHERB

Last week had been a rough ride for the family. First little girl was down with flu but since she's a little bigger, she cooperated well when we asked her to blow her nose/ when we sprayed her nose with Sterimar. No big fuss on the little girl. She coped well with the nasty flu bugs.

On the other hand.... 

We had a tough time settling the baby boy. He had fever.. blocked nose... running nose.. phlegm.. And that was not all, he decided not to eat/drink on the 4th day. I knew something was not right because his fever was ongoing and it spiked up during the midnight. On the 5th day, we decided to bring him to the Pediatrician but the slot was so packed due to Hari Raya and we decided to move on to the Emergency Dept.  

The Medical Officer immediately asked to admit him since his fever did not subside, the intention was to get him done with nebulizer and blood test to check what was the caused. Blood test came out to be not so good, it showed some bacteria infection. And his tonsils were swollen with some white spots. This was bad that he needed antibiotics. Sigh.... we managed to keep jie jie healthy without a single drop of antibiotics up to now, but at 1 year 2 months, baby boy had the first syringe of antibiotics. Sad enough to say .. but no choice, if this medicine will make him well. 

He was admitted for 2 nights and he seemed to be better after all the medications. =( MedicationS and not medication. It is heart breaking to see the amount of medicines given to him. Drops in the throat (to numb the pain so that he can eat), drops in the nose (to dry up the mucous), drops in the eyes (cause his left eye is a little swollen due to infection)... and today, the side effects of antibiotics, he had runny stools (diarrhea) and rashes on his body. 

All these are over! Now is the time to build back his immune system . I purchased probiotics to help him with his digestive system and hopefully it helps to make him stronger. Let's see if probiotics live up to its name. 

And yesterday, I purchased Animal Parade vitamins for Ashlynn. It's so much easier to give her tablets to chew instead of the liquid one. Daniel will consume the liquid form of vitamin C (Childlife brand). Hopefully with all these supplements, they are stronger and not prone to sickness. Praying hard that all these tough rides are over now ...

I purchased these two from Iherb.com. So much cheaper than purchasing it locally. Let's see if probiotics work on my children, if yes I will look for one in Iherb. My ever faithful online pharmacy. My hubby used to say I'm the Doctor. Haha.

If you're first timer shopping in Iherb, good news for you!

Feel free to use my product code (HUZ619) and get discount on first purchase.  You will receive $10 off the first order of $40 or more, or you can take $5 off orders less than $40.